Well, that's it. I'm completely out of cigarettes. I had my first and last one this morning when I woke up, the one I saved from last night. Making the decision to save that one was as difficult as I have mentioned before but now the real hard part begins. No more refrys (I smoked them) and no money to buy another pack. I am now starting to feel the panic, the fear of being without something that has controlled my life for 5 years.
It's easy to say, "Yeah, I can quit" when you have a pack of cigarettes sitting on the table. But now, having finished the last pack, I start to feel some very real concern about the coming days. It may be great material for my blog, but I start to wonder if it will be worth the physical and emotional stress I will now be facing.
They talk about the "three day hump". If you can make it three days without smoking, your body starts to get over the physical dependancy of nicotine. Well, today is day one (more specifically hour one), and I'm already starting to feel the effects. I'm paniked, slightly scared, and starting to realize that I have my work cut out for me in the next few days and possibly weeks.
I have been here before. I know I will get desperate and start to find myself looking in every street corner ash tray for a butt. I won't smoke one but I'll seriously consider it. That's how bad the hold is on me. I know I will start to beg people I see smoking on the street for a cigarette even though I hate doing that. It's demoralizing and embarrassing. Still, desperate times call for desperate measures, and in the end, the cigarette feels worth it.
I'm hoping it doesn't come to that. However, I know that I will be enabled. People I know will buy me a pack, just to keep me from going through those means to get nicotine. But I don't want that to happen. I have to tough it out. If people keep enabling me then I will truely never quit. Trust me, I've watched enough of those intervention t.v. shows to know how it works. Yeah, nicotine isn't any real hard or illegal drug, but it's just as difficult or in some cases, more difficult, to quit then things like heroin. I read this interesting article from Time.com talking about quitting, and it's uncanny how the article reinforces what I have been saying. Check it out here: Why It's So Hard to Quit Smoking
So, here we go. Things should get pretty interesting from here on out, a good thing for the blog, and a not-so-good thing for me. But, the ball is truely rolling now, I'm for sure quitting. Not much of a choice. I guess that's what I needed.
