They say that the number one tip for writing a successful blog is to write well and to write often. However, it's tough when every day seems the same, every day just as sucky as the last in regards to quitting. It's been a week since my last post and I apologize for the lapse. With Christmas, work, and numerous other excuses it's been tough to be motivated to bit...write about the excruciating stress my mind and body have been going through. Quitting smoking makes life ten...no a hundred times more difficult. I have a fuse about an inch short, anything seems to set me off now. And it's tough when you work with kids; they love to test your patience. I can't afford to lose my job just because I'm quitting smoking. Noone will except that excuse.
I've had mulitiple "meltdowns". Over stupid things like my hair won't cooperate, driving in the snow, etc. After having an episode, I find myself desperately tearing apart my truck looking for any form of nicotine. I take the last remaining puffs and I notice that I feel instantly calmer, like a switch has been thrown. Unfortantely, it lasts only moments and leaves me hungry for more. It's awful.
On the brighter side, I had a nice Christmas with the family. I was with them for two days and I didn't smoke once. But, it was still on my mind almost every second. On the way home, I thought a nice Christmas present to myself would be a pack. Great idea, right? WRONG. What the hell was I thinking?! I did so good, SO good, I was extremely proud of myself. Now I have to practically start over...again. Ugh, I could slap myself. In fact, hang on, let me do that right now.
I feel stupid for giving in after doing so well. Still, having that pack within arm's reach brings a strange comfort. Knowing that I have it means I don't have to go through the terrible feelings I have been going through the last several weeks, momentarily. Unfortunately for me (or is it?), I am out again. Welcome back to reality, Kristin. Have a nice trip in Fantasyland?
